There was a giant elephant in my bedroom last night

So much has changed with my buddy since my last post. He's no longer just a hugger! He is wonderful, thoughtful and romantic and makes me very, very happy. Last night he spent the night at my place - and it was the last night I'll see him for a very good while. And what parting gift did I leave him with this morning? I gigantic uncontrolled fart in bed.

I have stomach issues, I can't help it. I could feel lots of rumbling, had lots of moments where I squeezed real hard to ensure nothing slipped out. At one point, I actually said a little prayer, "Dear God, Please don't let me fart on him. Amen" Well folks, not all prayers are answered. It was about 5am, we were both tossing and turning, and then it happened. I was so surprised by it that I actually immediately said - "oh my god." It was so loud, and long. Luckily it didn't smell, or at least I don't think it did. This guy is the reserved type, so I was beyond mortified. This great guy, who was clearly awake, pretended to be asleep. How thoughtful of him - he even did some pretend deep, tempoed breathing sleeping, and then did a fake wake-up a few minutes later. I wanted to crawl into a hole. I spent the rest of the morning pretend sleeping, but really could think of nothing but gas.

I really should have just said something, but with him fake sleeping what was I supposed to do? Shake him and be like, wow, did you hear that? All day today I've relived that gassy blow. Is he thinking about it all day too I wonder? It actually crossed my mind that maybe I should email him about it but realized it would be a horrible read:

Dear Super Guy,

I'm so sorry I had all sorts of noise come out of me this morning. Thanks for pretending not to notice. You are a convincing fake sleeper. Or would you prefer to just laugh at it? I blame it on my stomach problems and the mussel you made me eat at dinner last night. Thanks for still being so sweet to me this morning; it's like you were caressing my face just to let me know that you know I ripped one, and you like me anyway.

Love,

me

Yep, not going to be sending that email. On a happy note, the only thing that blew about our final night together was my booty.